


Crushed

by babydollsehun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Heartbreak, Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Unrequited Love, sekai is endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23930161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babydollsehun/pseuds/babydollsehun
Summary: Five times Sehun has a crush, and one time it’s returned.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun, Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao/Oh Sehun, Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun, Lu Han/Oh Sehun, Oh Sehun/Everyone, Oh Sehun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 22
Kudos: 56





	1. Chanyeol

Oh Sehun loves Park Chanyeol even before he understands what love is.

It’s Sehun’s first day of kindergarten. Some kids eagerly scamper away from their parents to play on the swings, while others timidly hide behind their mothers’ skirts. Little four year old Sehun is part of the latter.

Despite his parents urging him to go inside the colorful kindergarten classroom, Sehun stubbornly stays put, refusing to let go of his parents’ legs in fear that they’ll leave him in this strange new place and never come back. “I dun’ wanna go,” Sehun sniffles sadly as tears stream down his face.

“Sehunnie,” his mother says gently, kneeling down to get on eye-level with the little boy. “Mommy and daddy promise to come back for you.” She gently wipes Sehun’s tears with her handkerchief. “Kindergarten isn’t scary, baby. You’ll get to play on the slides and you’ll get to make friends.”

“Friends?” Sehun repeats, looking from his mother to his father unsurely.

“Uhuh, Sehunnie will meet lots of kids his age,” his father grins at him enthusiastically. “You’ll have so many friends to play with, even hyung will be jealous,” the man says. He knows he shouldn't be bringing his older son into this, for even at age four, Sehun tends to get way too competitive with his big brother; but he’s willing to say just about anything to convince the boy that kindergarten isn’t scary at all.

“Sehunnie will have more friends than hyungie?” Sehun asks. He likes the sound of that. His older brother often brings his friends from school over to their house, so he doesn’t have time to play with Sehun nor participate in his ‘baby games’.

Sehun’s mother sends an admonishing look at her husband, which, thankfully, goes unnoticed by Sehun. “Don’t worry about having more or less friends than hyung,” she tells him with a warm smile. “I’m sure Sehunnie will make a lot of good friends.”

Sehun does not make any friends.

As a matter of fact, he’s near the point of tears when snack time rolls around. He sits by himself at the table in the corner of the room, quietly munching on his animal crackers and watching the other children in his class talk and giggle amicably amongst themselves.

It isn’t that Sehun didn’t try to make friends like his mommy and daddy said he would, it’s just that he doesn’t expect the other kids in his class to be so much bigger, louder, and rowdier than he is. Sehun has always been a rather reserved kid, and it didn’t help that Sehun’s parents opted to homeschool him instead of enrolling him in a preschool last year. Prior to today, the only other child Sehun could play with was his older brother; so suddenly being in a room filled with many other little kids made Sehun more nervous than excited.

“Hi!” a lively voice suddenly exclaims behind him. Poor Sehun nearly squeezes out all the contents of his juice box in surprise. Sehun pouts when he sees a puddle of orange juice right beside his lunchbox.

Sehun turns around to see huge brown eyes staring back at him. The owner of said eyes also has the largest pair of ears Sehun has ever seen. Sehun thinks he looks like an elf, or maybe a fairy.

Sehun stares at the boy wordlessly. He brings the straw to his lips, pouting when he realizes there’s very little orange juice left for him to drink.

“I’m Chanyeol,” the boy greets with a sunny smile on his face. Sehun thinks he’s even brighter than the Mickey Mouse night light he uses in his room every night. “What’s your name?”

Sehun sets the now empty juice box aside. “Sehun,” he murmurs. He knows he doesn’t speak letters as clearly as other kids, he just hopes this Chanyeol boy doesn’t laugh at him for it.

Chanyeol doesn’t laugh at him for it. He does something Sehun doesn’t expect. “Do you wanna play with me?”

“Chanyeollie wants to play with Sehunnie?” Sehun asks, not quite believing his ears. Chanyeol seems like he could get along well with all the other kids, ones that are as lively and energetic as him, but here is, asking shy and quiet Sehun to play with him. “Why?”

“Sehunnie looked sad by himself,” Chanyeol says, his smile dropping a tad bit. “Seeing other people sad makes me sad.”

“Oh,” Sehun says. He doesn’t want to make Chanyeol sad. Seeing Chanyeol sad is like seeing a sad puppy. Sehun decides Chanyeol’s smile is his most favorite thing about kindergarten. “What do you wanna play?”

Chanyeol’s face brightens up again. “We can play house! Or we can play chef with Kyungsoo! Or we can play tag with Jongdae and Yixing! Ooooh let’s play hide and seek too!” Chanyeol rambles, pointing to classmate after classmate and making Sehun’s head spin as he tries to follow the movement of Chanyeol’s finger.

Still feeling a little overwhelmed by his many classmates, Sehun tells Chanyeol that he wants to play house with him. The two boys stack soft foam blocks in the corner of the room, pretending to make meals for stuffed animals and tucking them under blankets, as if putting their ‘babies’ to sleep.

They play every day after that. After meeting Chanyeol, Sehun actually looks forward to going to kindergarten— much to the delight of Sehun’s parents. Eventually, Sehun does meet Kyungsoo, Jongdae, Yixing, and all the other kids in their class. They’re nice and all, but Sehun likes playing with Chanyeol the most.

On Sehun’s birthday, Chanyeol surprises Sehun with a birthday cake he helped his mommy make. It’s right then and there Sehun decides that he loves Chanyeol. He’s not exactly sure what love is, but his mommy and daddy say it a lot to him and his hyungie, so it must be something nice.

Sehun is six when his older brother tells him what having a crush on someone means. He doesn’t need anyone to tell him that he has one on Chanyeol. 

His little crush on Chanyeol lasts all the way until the fourth grade. Chanyeol is talking about the pretty girls in his class and his growing crush on a girl named Nayeon when Sehun blurts out that he likes Chanyeol— likes him more than a friend. He wants to say more, wants to tell Chanyeol how giddy he gets whenever Chanyeol compliments him or holds his hand. He wants to express how much he likes Chanyeol like how they do in the dramas his mother is fond of watching, but Sehun is an awkward little fourth grader, so the most he can come up with is a clumsy “I like like you— I like you the way you like Nayeon”. It isn’t exactly the best love confession in the world, but Sehun is surprised that he’s actually able to get it out of his system.

Being the sweetheart that he is, Chanyeol turns him down gently. He hugs Sehun close to him and tells him he’s sorry that he doesn’t feel the same way. Even back then, Chanyeol was so kind and considerate; Sehun supposes it’s one of the reasons why he likes Chanyeol so much in the first place.

Many years later, Sehun still loves Chanyeol. Not the same way he used to, but he loves him nonetheless. Chanyeol was the first boy to ever enter Sehun’s heart— and while many have come after, he’ll always have a place there as Sehun’s best friend.


	2. Junmyeon

Sehun’s second crush comes in the form of one Kim Junmyeon.

After one too many failed math tests, Sehun’s mother decides that her son is in desperate need of a tutor. When his mother tells him she hired one to help him out, Sehun expects his tutor to be a nerdy high school girl with uneven bangs and severe acne. He doesn’t expect a cute boy named Junmyeon.

Junmyeon is the son of one of his mother’s friends from church. He’s three years older than Sehun and happens to be in the same class as Sehun’s brother.

The first time Junmyeon knocks on the door of the Oh residence, it’s Sehun who answers. The older boy is a perfect picture of the sweet boy next door. He’s only a little taller than Sehun, wearing a cashmere sweater and round silver glasses, and his hair is neatly gelled to the side— Sehun thinks he looks like a miniature Clark Kent.

Junmyeon and his older brother say hi to each other before Junmyeon follows Sehun up to his bedroom. If Sehun had known that his tutor would be so cute, then he would have put more effort into tidying up his room. Sure, he and Junmyeon could study in the living room, but Sehun’s older brother hangs out there and his favorite hobby is making jokes at Sehun’s expense. Sehun is already failing sixth grade math— he can’t risk looking more like an idiot in front of his cute new tutor.

Sehun and Junmyeon are scheduled to meet thrice a week: Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons after school and past lunchtime on Saturdays. Sehun complains to his mother about having to spend his Saturday afternoons studying, but he quickly shuts up when he learns that apart from being Sehun’s tutor, Junmyeon takes piano lessons on Mondays and Thursdays, attends student council meetings on Fridays, and volunteers to help out at the church on Sundays. Sehun’s new tutor is not only handsome, he’s hardworking and kind too.

It turns out Junmyeon is also extremely smart. He talks about square pyramids and prisms like he talks about video games, eyes crinkling happily and moving his hands animatedly as he speaks. Sehun appreciates how he doesn’t make fun of him when he mixes up formulas or when he pretends to know what an octahedron is. Sehun finds that Junmyeon is also really easy to talk to; he laughs at Sehun’s corny jokes and often indulges him with stories about high school drama.

It takes Sehun two months to realize he likes Junmyeon. A lot.

It takes him another month to do something about it.

Sehun still may not know a lot about love but he knows the way he feels about Junmyeon is different from the way he felt about Chanyeol. While Sehun could be himself with Chanyeol, Junmyeon makes him want to be better— more hardworking, more well-read, more cultured— because doing so helps him convince himself that he actually _deserves_ to be with Junmyeon. If Chanyeol helps Sehun feel comfortable with himself, Junmyeon makes Sehun want to be better than himself.

One Tuesday night, Sehun decides to bring up the topic of crushes. He’s not sure if Junmyeon even likes boys, but maybe he can at least get an idea of what Junmyeon’s type is.

“Junmyeon hyung,” Sehun starts, heart thundering in his chest as Junmyeon checks the worksheet Sehun just answered. “Do you have a crush on anyone?”

Junmyeon pauses, dropping the red pen he was holding to look at Sehun. “Yeah, I do,” he says. “Why do you ask?”

“I dunno,” Sehun lies. “Just asking.”

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow at that. “Do you like someone, Sehunnie?”

Sehun’s cheeks burn pink. “Yeah.” He thinks about saying “it’s you” at the tail end of the sentence, but he stops himself.

Junmyeon smiles at Sehun encouragingly, looking very much like a doting older brother— Sehun knows, because he’s seen that look on his own hyung when he thought Sehun liked the fifth grade girl who lives across the street. “What’s she like?” he asks, and Sehun gulps at the word “she”. Somewhere between liking Chanyeol and liking Junmyeon, he realized that he wasn’t attracted to girls at all. He hasn't told anyone but Chanyeol about it yet though.

“Ummmm, smart,” Sehun settles on saying. “Kind. Funny. A little short, but still cute.”

“Awww, that’s sweet,” Junmyeon coos. “Is she someone from your class?”

“No, older.” It’s technically not a lie.

“I hope not too much older,” Junmyeon jokes, and Sehun can feel his palms getting sweatier and sweatier by the minute. “Are you gonna tell her?”

“I don’t wanna get rejected,” Sehun squeaks, and it’s the truth. Chanyeol might have turned him down gently, but not everyone is as kind nor as considerate as him.

“Any girl who rejects you will be seriously missing out,” the older boy snorts. A spark of hope flickers inside Sehun. Does this mean Junmyeon has noticed his good qualities? Does it mean Sehun has a chance? “It’s cliché advice, but I think you should shoot your shot. Just let her know you like her.”

“I don’t know, hyung,” Sehun mumbles.

“You’ll never know until you try, Sehun-ah,” Junmyeon says good naturedly. “Anyway, your answer for number four is—” the rest of Junmyeon’s sentence is interrupted by a pair of lips against his own.

In a moment of blind courage, Sehun connects his lips with Junmyeon’s own. It’s barely even a proper kiss, just a simple peck on the lips, but for Sehun, it feels like putting his life on the line… and for Junmyeon it’s the worst thing in the world.

“Sehun!” Junmyeon exclaims, retaliating from Sehun and pushing him away like he’s on fire. “What was that?!?”

“You said I had to shoot my shot,” Sehun says meekly. The little hope from earlier is replaced with heavy regret and guilt.

“I didn’t mean with _me_ , Sehun,” Junmyeon spits. “You don’t… just kiss guys… it isn’t normal.”

Sehun feels like he’s been slapped in the face. It’s the first time Junmyeon has ever used that kind of tone with him, and he doesn’t like it one bit.

“So it’s okay with girls but not with guys?”

Junmyeon buries his face in his hands and lets out a loud sigh. Sehun has never seen him look so flustered and angry, the older boy just always seemed so calm and composed. “No, Sehun, it’s not okay to kiss people out of the blue, especially when they don’t want to be kissed by you.” He looks at Sehun accusingly before realisation strikes him. “The person… you were talking about earlier was me, wasn’t it? You didn’t have a crush on any girl, didn’t you?”

Sehun shakes his head, avoiding Junmyeon’s eyes. He feels like crying.

“Look, I get it. You’re young and you’re curious,” Junmyeon says slowly, as if searching for the right words. It’s clear that he’s still uncomfortable. “It's normal for you to start having crushes, but you can’t have them on guys, okay? It’s _wrong_.”

“Oh,” is all Sehun can say. His eyes are stinging with tears that are dangerously close to falling. He’s made a big mistake and he doesn’t know if he can fix it or if he can make it up to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon lets out another sigh. “Just...don’t tell anyone about this, it’ll be better for the both of us.”

Sehun nods wordlessly. He can only watch as Junmyeon quickly gathers his things and shoves them into his backpack.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Junmyeon says dully, before closing the door behind him.

As soon as he hears the front door close, Sehun calls Chanyeol. Upon hearing his best friend crying over the phone, Chanyeol wastes no time in getting on his bike and going over to Sehun’s house. Once he gets there, he holds Sehun in his arms, whispering comforting words as the younger boy sobs into his chest. They both don’t know that this is just the second of many times Sehun will cry in Chanyeol’s arms after getting rejected.

Sehun and Junmyeon still meet for their tutoring sessions, but it’s not quite the same. Junmyeon explains the problems and goes over Sehun’s answers, correcting wherever he makes mistakes, but he no longer talks about video games or his friends at school. Fond “Sehun-ah”s turn into stiff “Sehun-ssi”s, and friendly conversations in between lessons turn into tense, awkward silences.

Sehun’s class soon moves on from learning geometry to learning algebra— which Sehun is surprisingly decent at. Right after he passes his final exams, Sehun tells his mom he doesn’t need a tutor anymore. He’s met with confusion from his mother, and suspicion from his older brother, but Sehun saunters off to his room before either of them can question it. Thankfully, they don’t bring it up, and Sehun and Junmyeon end their last tutoring session without so much as a goodbye.

Sehun hears a few tidbits about Junmyeon from his brother and his mother after that, but he never sees the older boy ever again.

If Chanyeol was the first boy to enter Sehun’s heart, then Junmyeon was the first one to break it.


	3. Baekhyun

Sehun is in his second year of highschool when he meets Byun Baekhyun. 

Sehun joins the drama club that year, because it was either that or joining a sport, which Sehun would rather die than do. Baekhyun, a senior and the passionate president of the drama club, takes one look at lanky, awkward, fifteen year old Sehun, and decides to take him under his wing— announcing to everyone that if they gave Sehun a hard time, he wouldn’t hesitate to kick them out of the drama club and 'accidentally' leak their secrets to the school newspaper.

Baekhyun is shorter than Sehun, and about 100 pounds soaking wet, but even Sehun feels afraid of him and knows to take his threats seriously. After making his larger than life announcement, Baekhyun wraps an arm around Sehun’s shoulders, winking at him and telling him in pure theater kid fashion, that he _can show Sehun the world._

Sehun thinks Baekhyun is like fire, sparkling and crackling with energy and passion. He burns the stage every time he gets up there and performs. He also keeps Sehun’s heart feeling warm and happy.

Truthfully, Sehun doesn’t know why Baekhyun is so taken with him. They couldn’t be any more different if they tried. Sehun is a dorky sophomore with a terrible bowl cut, while Baekhyun is a funny, effortlessly charming, and ridiculously popular senior. The older boy is also really beautiful. While he may not have been tall and model-esque like Chanyeol, nor classically handsome like Junmyeon, he was adorable in all the right ways— full cheeks and dazzling pearly smiles.

Baekhyun ‘showing Sehun the world’ apparently meant introducing Sehun to the world of teenage debaucheries. He’s a bad influence, but he does a damn good job at hiding it— when he’s over at Sehun’s house, he smiles and chats with Sehun’s parents, introducing himself as “Sehun’s theater-sunbae-and-hyung” before dragging Sehun upstairs, locking the door, and presenting him with a freshly smuggled six pack of beer.

Baekhyun also acquaints Sehun with the rest of his crew, treats him to delicious takeout, and lets Sehun hang out with him and his friends when Chanyeol has basketball practice and Sehun has no one else to sit with during lunch.

A lot of Sehun’s firsts are spent with Baekhyun. Sehun’s first sip of alcohol, his first cigarette, his first blunt— they were all done with Baekhyun at his side cheering him on. While the alcohol and nicotine are nice, what Sehun enjoys the most is Baekhyun’s company. Over the course of a few months, Baekhyun has become one of Sehun’s most treasured friends— second to only Chanyeol. For a while, Baekhyun is like the cool older brother that lets Sehun hang out with him and the rest of the big kids.

Until he isn’t. He becomes more than that.

Sehun knows catching feelings for Baekhyun is dangerous. Baekhyun may be bright and warm, but like fire, he can also burn. Sehun’s feelings for Baekhyun are a lot deeper and more complicated than he expects. He wants Baekhyun to hold his hand and cuddle him, but he also has not-so-innocent dreams at night about Baekhyun, and gets awkward boners whenever he’s around him...like many others who have a crush on the older boy.

Oftentimes Sehun feels like one of the many moths attracted to the burning flame that is Byun Baekhyun. Baekhyun is older, more experienced, and can have anyone he wants. Sehun knows he has no chance.

He knows Baekhyun likes both girls and guys; so at the very least, he doesn’t have to go through the humiliation of confessing to a homophpbic straight guy yet again. What Sehun fears though, is Baekhyun turning him down will hurt a lot more than Chanyeol and Junmyeon combined.

Sehun is fifteen years old when he gets his heart broken yet again.

“I like you, hyung,” Sehun says to Baekhyun one day. They’re seated in the open back of Baekhyun’s van, a few bottles of beer in between them as they look at the night sky littered with stars. Baekhyun tells Sehun’s parents that Sehun needs to stay at his house for the whole weekend so they can have more time to go over Sehun’s part in the school play, but really, he means to take advantage of his newly gotten driver’s license and take the younger boy out on a long drive to see the stars in a place that isn’t as contaminated by light population as Seoul.

Sehun is barely tipsy while Baekhyun is happily so. The older boy has his arm wrapped around Sehun’s waist, as Sehun leans down to rest his head on his shoulder. Thanks to Baekhyun, Sehun’s alcohol tolerance is at a level a fifteen year boy’s probably shouldn’t be, but he’s grateful for it. Drunk Sehun isn’t exactly the most attractive Sehun, and he feels like he should be somewhat attractive while confessing to Baekhyun.

“I like you too, Sebongie,” Baekhyun replies in a sweet, happy voice. “You’re my favorite dongsaeng.”

Okay. Totally not what Sehun wanted to hear, but at least Baekhyun isn’t recoiling from him in disgust. Maybe Sehun can still do this. “I mean it, hyung,” Sehun says, trying his best to keep his voice steady. “I like you, more than a friend.”

Baekhyun sits up straight to look at Sehun properly. His hand falls to the car floor, and Sehun kind of misses having it on his waist. “Sehunnie,” Baekhyun starts. “What are you trying to say?”

“I like you,” Sehun repeats, the words feeling heavy in his mouth. “I’ve had a huge crush on you for months and I just wanted to tell you before you graduated because I think you deserve to know.”

The look on Baekyun’s face tells Sehun everything he needs to know.

“Oh, Sehunnie,” Baekhyun says, looking at Sehun with a sad smile. It isn’t anything like his usual dazzling smiles— this one is somber, almost apologetic. “I care about you a lot, you’re a great kid, and I hope you know how much I love you… but you deserve someone better than someone who doesn’t love you the way you love them.”

Sehun opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out.

“You’re a great person, Sehunnie. You’re kind, you’re loyal, and you have a really big heart,” Baekhyun continues. “I love you, but you’re a little brother to me.”

The words ring in Sehun’s ears. He knew rejection was coming but it still stings.

Being friendzoned is one thing, but being little brother zoned is another. Sehun expects to be rejected, but he doesn’t expect that hearing the words “I love you” followed by the word “but” could hurt this much.

“Not gonna lie, I was kind of expecting that,” Sehun lets out a dry laugh. It’s meant to sound like a joke, but neither of them are laughing. He’s surprised that there are no tears in his eyes, but the heavy weight in his chest feels like gallons of water.

“Do you… wanna go back?” Baekhyun asks hesitantly after a beat of silence. “I can drop you off at your house… or at Chanyeol’s, if you want.”

Sehun shakes his head. “You drank a lot.” Truthfully, he would rather be anywhere than near Baekhyun right now, but he isn’t miserable enough to risk getting into a car accident. “We can go back in the morning.”

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asks, and the look in his eyes is just so warm and genuine, Sehun feels like he's suffocating. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Sehun shakes his head again. “I’m okay, hyung. I swear.”

They both know Sehun is lying, but Sehun suddenly doesn’t have the energy to say anything else, and Baekhyun, for the first time in his life, is struggling for words.

They sleep in the back of Baekhyun’s van, as planned, but the air between them is no longer comfortable. Baekhyun, bless his heart, tries to make things seem like they’re okay by reaching out to cuddle Sehun like he usually does, but Sehun is having none of it, pushing himself as far away from Baekhyun as he can in the compact sleeping space. Sehun lays with his back turned from Baekhyun, hoping that the other boy is asleep and doesn’t hear him crying underneath the covers.

Sehun manages to avoid Baekhyun for a grand total of two months before Chanyeol tells him to clear things up with Baekhyun, because while seeing Sehun trying to hide behind Chanyeol or duck under bushes whenever Baekhyun was in the area was funny at first, it’s long gotten ridiculous and honestly kinda sad. With his heart feeling like it was about to explode, Sehun approaches Baekhyun one day during lunch time, asking if they could talk.

It takes a while, but he gets comfortable around Baekhyun again. They’re not as close as before, but Sehun knows he can never bring himself to actually _dislike_ Baekhyun. 

On Baekhyun’s graduation day, Baekhyun kisses Sehun on the forehead, telling him he loves him and that he wishes him all the luck in the world.

Baekhyun decides to go to college in Canada; claiming that there’s a whole other world out there he’s dying to explore. Sehun, along with a few of Baekhyun’s other friends and family, see him off at the airport. Baekhyun is all smiles as he makes his way past the terminal gates; Sehun feels like he’s taking a part of his heart with him.

If Junmyeon was the first to truly break Sehun’s heart, then Baekhyun was the first to set it aflame.

  
  



	4. Zitao

Huang Zitao arrives as an exchange student from China in Sehun’s senior year.

Sehun initially wants nothing to do with the hard faced, cat eyed exchange student when he first steps into the classroom. Zitao has bleach blond hair and wears clothes from BAPE and Off-White, the real kind, not the knockoffs from Myeongdong— Sehun immediately writes him off as a fuckboy and pays no mind to him.

Much to Sehun’s annoyance, however, he gets paired with Zitao for a group project. Usually, their teachers were kind enough to let them pick their own group mates for their projects, but the universe apparently hates Sehun and wants him to suffer; so he's stuck working with Huang Zitao.

“We can go to my house for the project,” Zitao says to Sehun as soon as class ends. “I'll buy all the materials we need today so we can start on it this weekend.”

Sehun tilts his head at him. Zitao's accent is thick and his words are clumsy, but they sound genuine. Honestly, he expected Zitao to be the type to dump all the work on Sehun and write his name on the final product, so Sehun is a little surprised that Zitao would take the initiative to get their materials ready.

“Oh okay,” Sehun says, blinking at the taller boy. “I’ll pay you back my share tomorrow.”

“It's okay, you don't have to,” Zitao smiles. It isn't a condescending nor a haughty smile; if anything, it's a little shy. “I'm not really good at this kind of stuff, so this is the least I can do,” he admits, sheepishly scratching the back of his head.

“Really?” Sehun asks, surprised. “That's...really nice of you. Thanks, Zitao.”

“It's no big deal,” Zitao replies, the smile not falling from his face. Okay. Maybe Zitao isn't a total douchebag, but he could still very well be a mild douchebag. He’s contributing to their group project though, so Sehun does him a favor by pretending like he doesn't notice the blush creeping up on Zitao’s face.

  
  
  


Zitao’s house is unsurprisingly huge. It’s sleek, modern, and their whole class could probably live in it comfortably. Sehun gapes as he follows Zitao into his house; everything from the sparkling kitchen to Zitao’s bedroom screams luxury and money.

If Sehun thought Zitao was rich before, then he’s mistaken. Zitao isn't just rich, he's insanely rich. Sehun didn't even know why the other boy goes to Sehun’s school when he could easily go to a fancy private school where all the chaebols go.

“Should we make an outline first?” Zitao asks, snapping Sehun out of his thoughts and prompting him to shut his mouth close. He blushes when he realizes he's been staring into space with his mouth open. Zitao probably thinks he's an idiot.

“Yeah,” Sehun coughs, fumbling through his notes and handouts so they could get started. “Let’s start with chapter one?”

Zitao nods, and they get to work. To Sehun's utter shock, Zitao is actually a decent group mate. His limited grasp on Korean gets in the way sometimes, but he does his share of the work, and suggests ideas Sehun didn’t even think about. Sehun ends up leaving the other boy’s house way later than planned, but he doesn’t mind much. They got a good portion of the work done, and Zitao is surprisingly good company.

  
  
  


Visits to Zitao’s house become frequent, and each time, Sehun finds himself having more and more fun. In between breaks, they play video games and pig out on junk food; after getting another chapter done, they watch movies on Zitao’s huge television screen.

They present their work by the end of the month and Sehun is honestly a little disappointed. He doesn’t know when or how, but somewhere along the way, he considers Zitao something like a friend... which is odd because Sehun often thinks that Chanyeol is the only friend he needs in his life. Sehun has always been rather introverted, but he’s only gotten more closed off ever since the whole thing with Baekhyun happened; he’s learned that he has a bad habit of falling for any boy he gets close with, and he desperately does not want a repeat of that with Zitao.

But Zitao is just so nice to be around— he’s sassy and snarky, but he never looks down on Sehun or anyone. Sehun teaches him Korean, and he tries to teach Sehun Mandarin. He even lets Sehun sleep over at his house on nights when they forget the time and there are no more buses or taxis running in the area.

Their teacher ends up loving their project so much that she assigns them to be partners for the rest of the school year. Sehun tries his best to hide his excitement at the prospect of spending more time with Zitao. From the sigh of relief and the smile on the other boy’s lips, Sehun can tell that he feels the same way.

He hangs out with Zitao more after that. Sehun invites Zitao to eat lunch with him and Chanyeol, and he even brings him over to his house. The quaint townhouse Sehun lives in can’t even compare to Zitao’s mega mansion, but Zitao doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter if they watch movies on Zitao’s curved TV, or on Sehun’s shitty laptop, Sehun enjoys spending time with Zitao no matter where they are. Somewhere along the way, Sehun finds that Zitao is kind, charming, witty, and a total sweetheart— the opposite of the fuckboy Sehun initially thought he was.

  
  
  


In the middle of their usual movie nights, he tells Zitao as much.

“I thought you were a fuckboy at first,” Sehun says, shoveling a handful of popcorn into his mouth. An action movie is playing on the widescreen in front of them, but they're both paying more attention to the snacks and the other’s company than the movie. “Like, total rich boy douchebag fuckboy.”

Zitao snorts at that, looking at Sehun in a combination between curious and amused. “What do you think now?”

“You’re okay sometimes, I guess,” Sehun shrugs, it earns him a slap on the arm from Zitao, who looks more offended at being called “okay sometimes” than being called a fuckboy.

“Okay _sometimes_?” Zitao squawks indignantly. “I'm like, your best friend, asshole!”

“I might be your best friend, but you aren't mine,” Sehun hums sarcastically, unbothered by the other’s halfhearted offended tone. “Chanyeol’s my best friend.”

“You are such a brat,” Zitao whines. A mischievous grin that can’t mean anything good suddenly appears on his face and suddenly he’s digging his fingers into Sehun’s neck and armpits— the places where Sehun is the most ticklish— and mercilessly tickling Sehun until he’s out of breath and tomato red.

“Ass,” Sehun wheezes out as Zitao continues tickling him.

“You love me for it.”

  
  
  


It’s easy, hanging out with Zitao. 

Sehun has never felt this comfortable around someone other than Chanyeol. He finds that he can tell Zitao anything and everything. Sure, Zitao is also good friends with Chanyeol, but he’s especially close with Sehun. Chanyeol has plenty of other friends who are more than happy to have him around, but Sehun never had that until he got close to Zitao. 

“Whatever happened to you hating him?” Chanyeol snickers at Sehun. Zitao is at home with a cold, so he isn’t at school with them today.

“He’s… not that bad,” Sehun trails off. “He’s… really nice, and sweet, and funny. You should’ve been there last weekend, Yeol. His mom was home so we—” Sehun stops when he sees the expression Chanyeol is making.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Sehun asks.

“You like him,” Chanyeol says. It isn’t a question, but a statement. “You _like_ Zitao.”

“What?” Sehun feels his cheeks flame up. “What are you talking about? Zitao and I are just friends.”

“I’ve known you since we were four, Sehunnie,” Chanyeol says, fixing Sehun with a knowing look. “You like Zitao. You look at him like he hung the moon and stars in the sky.”

Sehun doesn’t say anything after that, but they both know Chanyeol is right.

  
  
  


Sehun has a lot of firsts with Zitao too. They’re both young, hot, horny, and single, so something was bound to happen between them. It starts out with them giving each other helping hand jobs while watching gay porn on Sehun’s laptop, but it soon turns into them making out and sucking each other off as soon as the doors were closed. 

There were supposed to be no strings attached. They were friends with benefits— really good friends and crazy good benefits, but there was an unspoken role between them that romantic feelings were off limits.

Sehun’s heart didn't quite get the memo. While he likes making out with Zitao and grinding against him, he realizes that he likes Zitao himself even more.

In many ways, Zitao is the opposite of Baekhyun. Whereas Baekhyun was petite and cute, Zitao is lean and sexy. Whereas Baekhyun is fire, Zitao is ice. Baekhyun is fiery, passionate, and uncontrollable. Zitao is the picture of an ice prince, relaxed yet unwavering. While Baekhyun kept Sehun on his toes, Zitao kept Sehun grounded.

“You better not fall in love with me, Oh Sehun,” Zitao tells him, right after he gives Sehun a blowjob on his bed. They’re sweaty and naked underneath the covers, long limbs tangled and their faces barely inches apart. Do friends with benefits even have pillow talks? _Should_ they even have pillow talks?

“You wish,” Sehun scoffs. “As if I’ll ever fall for you and your shitty blowjobs,” he rolls his eyes. He hopes their close proximity doesn’t let Zitao hear how fast his heart is beating.

“You've only gotten blowjobs from me, how can you tell if they’re shitty or not?” Zitao rolls his eyes. “Besides, this is just practice anyway.”

“Practice?” Sehun questions with a raised eyebrow. “You have a boyfriend I don’t know about or something?”

“No!” Zitao exclaims, his cheeks turning a dark shade of pink. “I just wanna be good at it… so I can impress Yifan-gege.”

Right. Yifan. How could Sehun forget?

Yifan is a family friend of Zitao’s— he’s older and goes to a prestigious university. Sehun knows how much his friend likes Yifan; Zitao has been smitten for Yifan for months, so of course he doesn’t notice Sehun falling for him.

Sehun tries to be supportive about Zitao’s crush, he really does, but he’s greedy and he likes Zitao way more than he ever thought he would. Whenever his lips are on Zitao’s skin, or when he holds him in his arms, Sehun can’t help but think what it would be like to have Zitao all to himself. They already do things couples do— they go out together, they’re annoyingly affectionate with one another, and they _fuck_ ; so would anything really change if they started dating?

  
  
  


Zitao breaks Sehun’s heart during another one of their movie nights. He doesn’t mean to, of course, but he does, and Sehun is left wondering why this is happening to him for the fourth time.

“Yifan-gege asked me out,” Zitao informs him. The smile on his face is so wide— it’s the happiest Sehun has ever seen him.

“Really?” Sehun asks. He hopes he can keep the disappointment out of his voice. “That’s great, dude. I’m so happy for you!”

He lets Zitao talk about Yifan. He listens as the other boy gushes over his upcoming date with Yifan, nodding and asking for more juicy details when really all he wants to do is cry in a corner. Of course Zitao doesn’t like him back. Every kiss, every intimate moment they shared, Zitao was thinking about someone else.

Once Zitao is done talking about the glorious Wu Yifan and his eight-pack abs, they proceed with their movie night— huddled together under their makeshift pillow fort. They laugh at White Chicks, they cower under the blankets at The Conjuring. It’s safe. Something Sehun is used to.

He thinks that he might be used to heartbreak now too.

When it’s Sehun’s turn to choose a movie for them to watch, he picks Titanic; just so he has an excuse to cry.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
